A Losing Endeavor

I don’t talk about this very much because, well, who cares?! We’re all walking our own journeys and looking up to hear someone constantly talking about theirs can be irritating. But this is something I frequently think about because I do not want to repeat those negative behaviors. I feel as though I should write these thoughts out here. Perhaps I would think about them a little less.

Last May, several issues in my life were developing parallel to one another. I hadn’t realized they were related until I took off the blinders I wore always. It has been illuminating, to say the least about it! I stepped out of the shower one particularly gloomy day—that is in stark contrast to the bright, sunny, perfect day outside my four walls—and lifted one foot after the other on top of my scale. It groaned to life and tipped 260 pounds. Now, I am of German ancestry so, granted, I know how to eat well! But, at 5’6”, 260 pounds was going to kill me. For months, I had been feeling depressed. I felt like a smashed walnut shell with nothing inside. I did not want to do anything except sit on the couch. I wasn’t even reading anymore and everyone knows I love to read. When I walked down the street, I felt winded. JUST walking! Not only that, but I was walking on fiery Legos barefoot all day. Eventually, I was told I had Plantar Fasciitis—an inflammation of the muscles that support the foot. And I was angry. I mean it. I was angry about everything. Absolutely everything made me spitting mad. I cried about washing dishes. My sleep cycles were messed up. Poor Mr. Bean. I don’t know what made him put up with that crap.

So, that scale ticked me off and I wanted to do something about it. My weight has been a struggle since my teenage years. I know that I ought to eat better and exercise regularly. I know that. Nobody has to tell me what I know. I began walking around the neighborhood and keeping a food journal with a handy, free (I like free) smartphone app. Before I knew it, I was walking 2 miles several times a week, up until this rainy weather started up again. I’ve still been exercising, though. Most importantly, I eat at home 99% of the time. I find myself scouring the internet for new recipes and watching cooking shows and videos. Fruits and veggies look more appealing to me than fast food—and that is a REAL change of mindset for me. It snowed at the beginning of the month and I took the kids outside. I found myself chasing them around and it was actually fun! My complexion is 20 times better. I like that I’ve lost 30 pounds and am continuing to lose. (I kind of took a hiatus during the holidays but consider it a victory that I maintained my weight.) I’ve even been able to stop wearing shoe inserts that help support my feet. Everything feels awesome.

I feel happy and wonderful after working out. I didn’t expect that to happen. I suppose if I never lose another pound ever, I could be okay with that. But, I am going to continue on this new path I’ve forged. It feels fantastic!


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